How to read someone's body language?

Body Language

If you’re talking to someone at a coffeehouse and wonder, should you ask him or her out? Research has shown that words account for only 7 percent of how we communicate whereas our body language accounts for 55 percent and voice tone accounts for 30 percent. FBI profilers also say that microexpressions, tone, and gaze can expose deception.

Be comfortable, sit back, and simply observe. You’re training yourself to develop a more detailed eye for the world. Note what you pick up without straining. If you’re not getting cues or are unsure about the ones you observe, don’t force things to fit. Wait until the signs are clearer. Too much effort blocks the process because you’re trying to push something that can’t be pushed. After the reading, you can analyze what signs ring true and let them guide your interactions

CHECKLIST OF BODY LANGUAGE CUES:

PAY ATTENTION TO APPEARANCE:

This offers general information about personality, body image, and priorities. When reading others, notice the following: Are they wearing a power suit and well-shined shoes, indicating ambition? Jeans and a T-shirt, indicating comfort with being casual? A tight top showing cleavage, a seductive choice? A pendant such as a cross or Buddha, indicating spiritual values? Are they decked in expensive jewelry, suggesting materialism or the need to impress? Is there never a hair out of place, a sign of perfectionism? Or are they unkempt, indicating lack of self-care? Also notice if they are stick-thin, average weight, or obese, suggesting their eating, exercise, and health habits.

NOTICE POSTURE:

When reading people’s posture, ask yourself: Do they hold their head high, suggesting they’re confident? Or do they walk indecisively or cower, a sign of low self-esteem? Do they swagger with a puffed-out chest, a sign of a big ego? Do they have a playful bounce in their step, indicating energy and enthusiasm? Is their posture slumped with their neck jutted forward, suggesting long hours at a computer and/or no exercise and stretching regime? Is their posture rigid, shoulders scrunched up to their ears, revealing tension? Or are their shoulders and body relaxed, signs of being comfortable in their own skin?

WATCH FOR PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS:

Leaning and Distance:

Observe where people lean. Generally, we lean toward those we like and away from those we don’t. A person who moves closer to you can be signaling seductiveness, indicating a romantic interest or a desire to convince you of something. Depending on your relationship with them, it can feel nice or like a boundary violation. In contrast, when people face away from you while talking, it conveys “I’m not interested.” Also, observe how far people stand from you. Moving too close or talking in your face can indicate aggression, self-obsession, or poor boundaries—when you inch backward, such people often inch forward, disregarding your needs.

Crossed Arms and Legs:

This pose suggests defensiveness, anger, or self-protection. Notice the direction in which people cross their legs. While seated, they tend to point the toes of the top leg toward someone with whom they’re at ease—and point away from others they don’t like. Men and women who sit with their legs wide open give off sexual signals. Foot tapping or restless legs are signs of anxiety.

Finger Pointing:

This can indicate blaming, criticism, anger, or telling someone what to do.

Hiding One’s Hands:

When people place their hands in their laps or pockets or put them behind their back, it suggests that they are hiding something. They may be telling you one thing but you’re not getting the whole story. Cracking their knuckles is a sign of tension.

Standing with Legs Shoulder Width Apart:

This position signals dominance and determination. When asserting a point in a discussion, this traditional stance of power communicates, “I’m standing my ground.”

Lip Biting or Cuticle Picking:

When people bite or lick their lips or pick their cuticles, they are trying to soothe themselves under pressure or in an awkward situation.

Brushing Hair off the Face:

This movement, along with hair tossing, can signal anxiety, flirtation, or a combination of both. It calls attention to one’s face and neck and is often a sign that a person is attracted to someone, especially when it’s done by women.

Signs of Lying:

There are no foolproof clues, but these gestures make FBI profilers suspicious. Men tend to stroke their neck, which is calming, lowering their heart rate. For women, touching the suprasternal notch at the top of the chest, indicates discomfort and protecting themselves. Also, scratching one’s nose can be a sign of deception: lying often increases adrenaline, which causes capillaries to expand, making a person’s nose itch. In addition, during an interrogation, if a suspect moves away from the interviewer (a “nonverbal torso lean”), this suggests dishonesty or avoidance.

INTERPRET FACIAL EXPRESSION:

Reading faces is an ancient system of evaluating character. It reflects our temperament, mood, and approach to life. As part of reading people’s faces, notice the following: Is their face serious? Intense? Sad? Smiling? Pouting? Childlike? Cruel? Peaceful? Are they blushing, indicating embarrassment? Or do they have tears of sadness or joy? Emotions can become etched on our faces. Deep frown lines suggest worry or overthinking. Crow’s feet are the smile lines, signs of joy. Pursed lips signal anger, contempt, or bitterness. A clenched jaw and teeth grinding are signs of tension. FBI profilers say that microexpressions of fear, anger, or a sinister smile that doesn’t match the content of a person’s speech suggests deceit.

TRACK EYE CONTACT:

The eyes are the windows into the soul. When you’re observing people, ask yourself whether they make confident eye contact, or whether their eyes drift, suggesting distraction, disinterest, or avoidance. (FBI profilers associate poor eye contact with lying.) Do they lock eyes without wavering, signaling dominance? This intimidation tactic is used in police work. (Predators never take their eyes off their victim. In combat, weaker animals break the gaze.) Are their eyes intrusively probing, indicating poor boundaries or the need to control? Or do they keep a respectful distance yet still connect well with you? Are their eyes shifty, suggesting manipulation or deceit? Mischievous? Kind? Or perhaps amorous, sneaking glimpses of your body, a sign of attraction? Tired people may have dark circles around the eyes. Glassy, red eyes indicate crying or allergies. Furthermore, under stress our eyelids twitch and we blink more often. The normal blink rate is six to eight times per minute. Blinking patterns can reveal how calm or uptight one is. When two people are discussing a topic of mutual interest, on average they make eye contact between 30 and 60 percent of the time.

BE AWARE OF SCENT:

We have a thousand different kinds of smell receptors and can detect more than ten thousand odors. Our scent can reveal personal habits. Do you smell cigarettes, cigars, alcohol? Can you detect body odor or bad breath, suggesting poor self-care or a medical disorder? Is their perfume or cologne overwhelming communicating “Notice me,” a desire to be attractive (even dominate), or an insensitivity to how others are affected. Are you drawn to their smell, a primal attraction? Is their fragrance appealing? Pheromones are hormones of attraction that subliminally function as an aphrodisiac.

Using the checklist of signs I’ve presented, you can practice reading body language cues wherever you go. Get in the habit of people watching. I suggest starting with strangers—that way you’ll more easily remain neutral. Go to a mall, a supermarket, or a park. Notice how others look and move. It’s fascinating. Watch the way they hold their bodies as they eat lunch, cash a check, talk to their families, or just wander around. But don’t stare obviously—that makes anyone uncomfortable.

Soul Heaters

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